Susan Cain: The power of introverts | Video on TED.com
Susan Cain: The power of introverts | Video on TED.com.
My post, Introverts Rock!, generated some discussion about what it means to be an introvert. This presentation, by Susan Cain, the author of ‘Quiet’, brings a little more light to the matter. It’s well worth watching.
Introverts rock!
You cannot imagine my glee at discovering an article entitled “The Upside of Being an Introvert (and why Extroverts are Overrated)”, Bryan Walsh, TIME magazine, Feb. 6, 2012. I loved it! I took the little innie/outie test and it turns out I’m an introvert. Who knew? Perhaps I’m not at the J.D Salinger end of the scale. I’m just the innie side of centre (which is good because I like to hedge my bets) otherwise known as an ambivert. My husband, also an ambivert, trips slightly onto the extrovert side of the scale – we’re probably about equidistant from the middle! It’s quite a nice place to be. After all, there are benefits to being an introvert. These are some of the ones Walsh outlines:
“Introverts may be able to fit all their friends in a phone booth, but those relationships tend to be deep and rewarding. Introverts are more cautious and deliberate than extroverts, but that means they tend to think things through more thoroughly, which means they can often make smarter decisions. Introverts are better at listening – which, after all, is easier to do if you’re not talking – and that in turn can make them better business leaders, especially if their employees feel empowered to act on their own initiative. And simply by virtue of their ability to sit still and focus, introverts find it easier to spend long periods in solitary work, which turns out to be the best way to come up with a fresh idea or master a skill.”
Thank you Mr Walsh! It was like being handed a disclaimer for all my introvert tendencies. As I sit here, (alone, tapping away at my keyboard) I am musing the signs of my introversion.
Sorry if this was you!
The Mystery Phone Call. If you call my house and your number doesn’t show up (or even if it does sometimes) it is likely that one of three things will happen.
1. My kids will answer.
2. My husband will answer.
3. The nice voicemail lady will answer. (This one is the most likely).
Since my extended family is international, it is rare for me to recognise any phone numbers as they all come up “unknown”. I don’t really know why we have a phone at all!
The Power of Email, Social Media and the Blogosphere. Like most introverts, I prefer to express myself in writing. However, I have a lot to say! Hence I find outlets through Facebook, not one but two blogs (with a third on the way….more about that later….is that a collective sigh of exasperation I hear?) and via email. This is not a fear of talking face-to-face or using the phone, it is just a preference. So strong is that preference that the Sears card I’ve been meaning to cancel is still sitting unused, waiting for me to pick up the darn phone. If it could’ve been done by email it would’ve bitten the dust months ago (sorry B…I’ll get to it!).
Bye now, I'm having an introvert moment!
I write, I read, I run. Seriously, how much time can a person spend inside one’s own head? I’m not a hermit or anything but I highly value time to get my thoughts in writing; time to bury my head in a good book; and time to pound the pavements until my mind reaches that meditative zone of contemplation. As a fellow blogger said in her short story, Annie in Wonderland: “I was born a writer and a bookworm”, with a hover text explanation: “The official term for this is ‘introvert.’” Throw in a bit of solo running and we’re there, introversion!
On the spot. This is a situation I abhor more than any. When asked a difficult question in a public forum I clam up. It doesn’t mean I can’t or won’t answer. Just that somehow the increasing heart beat interferes with my ability to think quickly and co-ordinate my mouth with my brain. The result is, somewhat predictably, incoherent and red-faced. Ask me the same question in a close family/friend group and the eloquence is smooth, the exterior calm (ok, that’s an exaggeration…let’s just say, I am more able to make my point).
Taking the stage. Actually, I have always been pretty comfortable on the stage. Being an introvert (or ambivert) does not equate with being shy or lacking confidence. There is something very liberating about taking on someone else’s character traits. That does not mean that taking the stage (which I haven’t done for many years) doesn’t make me nervous, just that acting is fun. Speaking in public is the same. In fact, my best job interview was one where I had to prepare a presentation for the board. I actually enjoyed preparing and giving speeches and presentations at university and, as a teacher, once my lessons were prepared, I loved getting up there and talking it through. I don’t even mind job interviews as long as I have researched the job, the company etc really well first. I just need the time to think and work through topics in my head, time to process.
An Introvert in America. I am living in a country that is somewhat challenging for an introvert. As Walsh says:
“Simply being an introvert can also feel taxing – especially in America, land of the loud and home of the talkative. {…. } it sometimes seems that the quality of your work has less value than the volume of your voice.”
Introverts have their place too, they (we) are just a little quieter about it. Hillary Clinton, Warren Buffett, Mohandas Gandhi and Bill Gates are among some of the most prominent introverts (doesn’t that sound like an oxymoron). I am proud to share this trait with them….now, if I could just share some of their success and brilliance!
Mohandas Gandhi Source: wikimedia.org
Hillary Clinton Source: wikimedia.org
We’re in good company!
Introvert, extrovert or ambivert? Where do you fall on the spectrum?
It takes a village
I simply cannot blog about anything until I get past this! On Monday, we got the best news! Barry was told his brain scan looked wonderful! Wow!
A bit of background: 17 months ago, my husband (then aged 38 years) was admitted in to hospital for surgery to remove a brain tumour (glioblastoma multiforme – a grade 4). A few months later, he had a second tumor (this time a grade 3) removed. He has since undergone 2 rounds of radiation and 8 months of chemotherapy (1 more month to go on that). He has handled it all with strength, grace and courage. His blog, injected with his sense of humour and emotional warmth, has kept many informed. The response to his latest post was unprecedented. (You can see it here).
Thank you! The support we have had during the darkest events to hit our family has been phenomenal. They say “It takes a village….” (I think it’s normally “… to raise a child”, but you get my point) it really does! In our case, it has been a global village.
It takes a global village (Source:fadnes.wordpress.com)
Let’s start at the hospital. From the Neurosurgeon who attacked (that’s the only word for it) both of Barry’s tumours with a confidence and arrogance that beat them into submission; to the wonderful Oncologist, who has guided us through each step of chemotherapy taking care to explain all the medical information on the way. Then there are the nurses, the radiation staff, the home care nurse who assisted the challenging Picc line duties! Not to mention the Doctor who took care of the infection. The Medical Team have been (and continue to be) amazing! There is still a round of chemotherapy to come. Following that, Barry will have a MRI scan every 3 months. Yes, the scan was clear of tumours but it is impossible to tell if cancer cells still linger. For that reason, scans will be regular. Here’s hoping we have many more years of “all clear”! For now we are enjoying, and celebrating the moment!
Friends and family, near and far. From day one, we have been stunned by the outpouring of support, emotionally and practically. I don’t know how I would’ve got through those first two weeks in September 2010 if my brother and his fiancee had not been here on vacation. They were unfaltering in providing shoulders to cry on, logistical arrangements for the boys, meals were ready, everything, in fact, was organised without a word from me. They just instinctively knew what to do and when to do it. Incredible. Friends, understanding of the challenges we faced and how this was compounded by being so far from family, wrapped us in a blanket of compassion and love. Meals were provided, hours were passed in the hospital waiting room, medical discussions were shared. Then there were the friends and family who felt they were too far away to help, yet they provided immense support via email or phone calls. I think I’ve spoken to my Mum pretty much every day over the last 17 months – I’ve needed those chats! Even beyond those people we know, we are learning now of people who have followed Barry’s story and are sharing in this most recent news. People all over the world.
It takes a global village. If there is anything positive to come out of all of this, it is the realisation that people pull together. Family, friends, neighbours, colleagues, acquaintances – everyone has a part to play when challenges arise and every part is essential, no matter how seemingly small. Thank you everyone! Enjoy the moment and celebrate with us!
The Mongans ©Anna Mongan
Is my dog cuter than my kids?
Yesterday I posted this picture of my dog on Facebook (the caption below is the one I used):
You know it's winter when the dog has mini-icicles hanging from his chin.
Cute, right? I am the first to admit that my dog is super-cute but, since I’m not a general dog lover, I struggle to see how anyone else finds him cute….he is, after all, just a dog (a mantra oft-repeated in my house). However, the picture received 78 ‘likes’(ok…that’s a bit of an exaggeration….I probably don’t even have that many Facebook friends….or real life friends for that matter….ahhh!). It received more ‘likes’ than pictures of my children ever get. I happen to think my children are cuter than my dog. So, why is it that people love dog photos so much? (This isn’t a complaint by the way – I love that people find my dog cute, I just wonder why). I didn’t post the picture to show that the dog was cute. I was just showing that winter is finally here. Conversely, I firmly believe that all pictures of my kids are cute! (Yes, I know that’s a whole lot of bias).
A couple of people commented that he is like a dog they own or know (same breed and colour). So, in this case there is a point of reference. My kids, on the other hand, don’t look like anybody else’s kids. It’s easy to match a personality to an animal that looks like one you are familiar with. Labradors are known for being family friendly (as are many dogs) so an association is made. With children, you have to know something about their personality in order to find them cute. I’m sure you’ll agree, that despite ‘butter wouldn’t melt’ appearances, many kids are far from cute once their character is revealed! Of course, that isn’t the case with my kids – you can take it from me that the whole bundle is adorable (yep, more bias).
One friend commented that Maxi (that’s the dog) looked confused – there is something endearing about that. My kids, on the other hand, don’t generally look confused (at least not on photos but they have their moments!). If a dog looks confused, you just want to cuddle him up and make that tail wag. If a child looks confused they need explanations and conversation – basically more than a cuddle and a treat (although that would go a long way on the path to happiness).
Another friend offered sympathy for the dog. He is a pathetic sight in this picture, admittedly, but he’d just spent 15 minutes tearing through woodland having the time of his life! (And I am holding a treat right next to the camera to get him to pose). If the kids had done that, their faces would’ve been glowing, their smiles giving away the wonderful fun they had (and their hands reaching out for the treat). One friend, who knows Maxi and his winter walks well, recognized that the ‘mad hound’ was more than happy with his outdoor look. But, Maxi can’t show that in his face – the dog (and by that I mean any dog) is incapable of varying his expression and always looks pathetic and confused! Great way to get affection – there’s something in this ‘dog’s life’ business!
Don’t worry, you don’t have to answer the question in the title. I know my kids are cuter! I do wonder though, if you find dogs cute and why….
To finish, here are a couple of links to dog humour videos. Videos of kids are funnier if you know the kids, it doesn’t seem to matter with dogs.
The first one pulls off the confused dog look even better than Maxi!
This one is made all the more funnier by the giggling camera operator.
Stuck for words
Sometimes I am stuck for words – not written ones, but spoken. I don’t know what happens. I have my thoughts and ideas perfectly laid out in my mind but they can’t seem to escape my mouth in an orderly fashion. The same happens when I draw – I know how I want the picture to look, I can visualise it beautifully but will the pencil form that vision? Absolutely not! It isn’t always the case (well, it is with the pencil and paper – I can’t draw for toffee!). There are occasions I can talk with the eloquence of a well versed politician (is that a contradiction in terms?) but for that to happen I must be one of the following:
a) Very well prepared
b) Discussing a light subject matter
c) Pleasantly (but not excessively) drunk
d) Talking to people who I know share the beliefs/ideals/views I am expressing.
That does, fortunately for me, cover quite a few situations. However, at a Friday night gathering a couple of weeks ago, I found myself flustered, speechless and totally tongue-tied. With a bit more warning, another glass of wine or a different subject matter, I am convinced my opinions would’ve flowed at a terrific rate.
So, what was it that left me like a gibbering wreck? …… Religion – well, it had to be either that or politics, right? Barry (my husband) brought it up – it’s alright for him, he thrives on such spontaneous debate! In future I’ll just chime in with; “What he said!” (Unless of course we disagree). He carelessly (or maybe intentionally) uttered the words “a couple of atheists,” in reference to us, at a dinner that had been preceded with a prayer and shared with devout Christians. The ‘A’ word did not fall on deaf ears! Indeed, we were in the company of very close friends who probably already had an inkling of our convictions. Naturally, a discussion ensued.
“So, is that what you consider yourselves?”
Barry: “Yes”
Me: “Ermmm….well…ermmm…s’pose”
What was that? It isn’t that I have any doubt about the non-existence of an omniscient being called God – I absolutely do not believe there is one. I have felt that for a long time. In my defence, I was raised and educated a Catholic (I use that in my defence for many things!) so the term “atheist” does not really sit right with me. It seems to have impure, Satanist kind of connotations.
That being the case, I’m not keen on using it as a term to define myself. After all, I hold firm beliefs in doing right, rather than wrong; in being morally sound and instilling positive values in my children; in helping others; in maintaining a positive spirit of family and friendship. The list goes on, but suffice to say that many of my beliefs are, in fact, also the basis of most organised religions. The only difference is that I don’t believe in God – just that one thing and I get a title and all of the implications that go along with it. Barry went on to explain very eloquently and articulately how a god or a belief system are not necessary in order to live a good life, have good morals, be a good person etc. He’s right of course (I should marry him….oh, I did already – in a Church incidentally! Even then, it was for the tradition as opposed to the religious blessing, however, I wouldn’t choose a Church now, 11 years later) – and I think the table agreed with the points he made. Nobody changed their beliefs – I wouldn’t expect anyone to. I have a lot of admiration for those who are solid in their convictions and take strength from their faith. It was the perfect discussion (except for the parts where I fell over myself in an attempt to interject). We listened to one another without attempting to convert from one end of the spectrum to the other. Wonderful!
I have the same issue with politics. I freeze – my mouth loses any connection it had with my brain, my heart rate increases and my blood pressure rises. I’m not going to express my political leanings in this post – one thing at a time – I don’t want to lose all my readers in one fell swoop.
The many mistakes of an airline passenger.
I’m sure you’ll agree, the service industry differs widely. Primarily, it appears to be influenced by the demands of the culture in which the service takes place. The “barely look at the customer” approach taken by most supermarket check-outs in the UK, is friendly compared to the “you are an inconvenience to me” service in Catalonia. The UK, however, has nothing on the first name terms with which we are greeted in the Minnesota grocery stores (this information is gleaned from our credit/debit cards and used to disarm us at any given moment).
The question, then, is what happens on an aeroplane? When many cultures are bundled together, whose traits should the flight attendant take on? It turns out that they are exempt from cultural boundaries, they have the right to shun them all and to make no attempt to disguise the fact. Indeed, if one were to complain then the complainer would, no doubt, be accused of air rage and banned from the airline. Like border control, an aeroplane is a situation in which the complainer has a lot more to lose than the complainee (yes, I know that isn’t a word). During my flight a couple of days ago, I quickly learned that any issues are due to the mistakes made by passengers and never the attendant. Our flight attendant on this occasion was a vision dressed all in black as per her uniform requirements. She had customized her outfit with a splash of colour to her hair style by sporting a festive Santa sleigh clip. I was not deceived. This ‘fun’ addition to her wardrobe did nothing to soften her demeanour. I am sure she would have been much more pleasant if only the darn passengers wouldn’t keep making mistakes.
The flight attendant's catapult
Below are some of the errors committed by my fellow travellers (of course, I was too terrified to deviate from the rules and stayed as obedient as a Catholic schoolgirl in a room full of nuns):
Mistake #1: The couple at the front (of standard class, obviously, this would never happen in first class!) deigned to ask (in broken English) if there was any hot tea. They had indeed been offered a drink and the attendant was pushing a drinks trolley. A fair question, I would think. Without hesitation, our friendly flight attendant reached over and pushed the “call” button above the couple’s seat – much to their embarrassment. A brief exchanged followed, during which it was established that coffee would suffice. At this point a loud “tut”, followed by, “So you don’t want hot tea?!”, came from the stern server. Moving on, she left the couple with a throwaway line (which I couldn’t hear) and a laugh that I later realised was inappropriately applied to a whole range of situations.
Mistake #2: Committed by Barry after asking for a glass of juice. He was handed a glass (well, a plastic beaker) with a little ice in it, followed by a can of juice for which he thanked the steward. Then, the error. I could see it coming. “Could I have a cup without ice, please?”. I shrank into my seat. She took the offending cup back, emptied it and handed it back, “Well I couldn’t know that.” Followed by THE laugh and a few quick steps to move on and away before a comeback could be executed. Oh dear, oh dear, what was that?
Mistake #3: This has to be my favourite of all mistakes. First, the announcement; “The pilot has put the seatbelt light on. You must remain seated.” Sometimes, this announcement is made without a seemingly clear reason. I’m sure there must be one but it’s not always obvious. On this occasion, turbulence was at a minimum. Seconds before, Barry’s book had slipped underneath the (vacant) seat behind him. Being in the aisle seat, he nominated me for its safe retrieval. “The Bouncer” (not in the nightclub sense, but more like a warden at the front of a school assembly) eyed me suspiciously, arms folded menacingly, as I reached for my seatbelt. I was beaten to the offence – she raced up the aisle as she went to admonish a guy for putting his laptop away in the overhead locker. Glued to my seat in fear, I watched as she made her way back to her post. My schoolgirl giggles were barely audible as I imagined the passengers execute a perfect Mexican wave in her wake. I didn’t retrieve the book until the light went out. Pathetic!
Retribution: I shudder to think how many more misdemeanours were committed on that flight. How many offences didn’t I notice? On behalf of all the passengers, my family and I did what we could to administer revenge. We were the last passengers to exit, we gathered together our belongings with careful consideration delaying no-one but our patient flight attendant. Barry and I acknowledged our pact with a knowing glance as we realised she was behind us, waiting to pass. Yes, we enjoyed that lingering moment. Maybe she appreciated our thoroughness – she laughed that laugh as she followed us through the deserted plane.
If you could be friends & hang-out with any actor/celebrity…who would it be?
I decided to try something new (it’s all about staying out of that comfort zone, right?). I spotted on another blog – Miss Demure Restraint (superb if you get chance to take a look) – that Mindslam (yet another blog….yep, I’ve been doing a spot of surfing – all in the interest of developing my writing skills, you understand) issues writing prompts on his “Write Wednesday” post each week. Talking of developing my writing skills, I’m sure I could re-work that last sentence to better effect. Anyway, this week Mindslam posed the question: “If you could be friends & hang-out with any actor/celebrity…who would it be?” For someone who tends to believe that celebrity status is quite over-rated (particularly in an age where, with the advent of “Big Brother” and its siblings, anyone can be one) this was a tough question to go with. But I had made a promise with myself that, no matter the prompt, I’d tackle it – that darn comfort zone and its expanding boundaries!
Firstly, I considered the kind of person I like to hang-out with. Actually, firstly I considered looks and sex appeal but then decided that Brad Pitt might wear a bit thin after a while. So I thought about funny, charming, entertaining, deep and meaningful, interesting, though-provoking….I’ll be honest, I couldn’t really think of anyone. There are a fair few actors (male and female) who I love to watch on-screen but I’m not certain I would want to join them for dinner. There are singers who, on stage, entertain and thrill but are they who I want to enjoy cheese and wine with? There are comedians who have me laughing from my boots but there’s a need for a bit of serious in everyone’s life. There are politicians…..actually, let’s not go there. There are innovators and scientists and people who are simply brilliant in their field – could be a little intellectually intimidating. There are writers – but I’m not sure socialising is their strong point. There are a whole myriad of people I admire but would I want to hang-out with them? That’s a tough question. My fear is, that with celebrity status, comes pretension, a huge ego and a shift in values. Plus a huge wallet….that could make for an interesting night out (sorry, what shift in values?).
However, I will answer the question with the best fit. The award for ”Best celebrity to hang out with” goes to…..<drum roll> Mr Hugh Laurie. I am certain he would amuse me. He could pull out his guitar if entertainment lacked that oomph. He’s a great actor, a very good comedian, an excellent musician (by all accounts…I have to confess to not listening to his music but I know he is talented), he can write and I’m pretty sure he likes cheese and wine. So, Mr Laurie (can I call you Hugh?) please let me know when you are free!
I’ve shown you mine…now show me yours! Who would be your number 1 celebrity to hang-out with?
Anna runs…
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